Adrift and trying to find ground.

Everyone gets into dark and stormy places at least once, sometimes more than once in their lives. That place where you feel like nothing is going your way, you’re exhausted, everyone else seems more together, more successful, stronger, and just happier than you. Have you ever been there? I know I have. It seems like lately I’ve been riding this struggle bus more than normal. Maybe it’s because I’m just mentally exhausted from work or perhaps I’m being too critical of myself. It could be that I feel a bit adrift in my goals or maybe it’s my lack of racing which has been a big part of my life for the last few years. I haven’t been able to pinpoint it exactly and maybe it doesn’t even need to be because it’s a combination of everything right now.

I’ve been trying to work my way into the fitness world, but finding the time to actually study for exams and such has proven to be difficult between work, teaching, clinics, planning, and trying to ride myself. It will happen, but perhaps in the “off season” is a better goal.  Goals? I’ve got so many of them and lately they all seem to be so far out of reach. Sometimes, I wish that I would have taken a different route through college- one that would have given me more options, but at the same time, I think about all the wonderful opportunities I was given via the music route. European trips- Spain and Italy, the people, culture, the wonderful complexity of music. Do I miss it now, sometimes, but I’m in a different place in my life now, but I do every once in a while long for that choral practice or touring. I also wonder, if I would have taken a different route, what would it have been and would I still be “wandering” a bit to find my true place? Probably, because I feel like I need variety to keep me at peace. I don’t like feeling stuck or trapped into one thing, which is the reason I teach music and mtb skills, ride and race bikes, and work a job that doesn’t remotely relate to my degree. I have a creative, active, constantly moving kind of brain.  A brain that always has a play list of various styles of music-from opera to country constantly playing. One that while that play list is going is probably planning lessons for piano and riding. One that is making grocery lists and food planning, compiling to-do lists, trying to figure out how to better organize everything I do, or plotting my next bike route…constant flow of thoughts and music. (Sheesh, no wonder I’m exhausted)

Lately, I’ve been trying to overhaul my nutrition, my thoughts, my riding, my lifestyle, all in hopes of re-grounding myself, it’s been an attempt, but mediocre one at best. So, tomorrow (Monday) I try to buckle down and dive into a new nutrition journey. Today, I challenged myself to stay positive and stay out of my head and be in the moment. 

So in my attempt to re-ground and focus, I wonder what everyone else does when they’re adrift? How do you ground?


(Now how do you ride through that when your bike doesn’t even fit?)

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